No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
