I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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