You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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