I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
