Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
