I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
