We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
