So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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