are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
