Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
