Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
