He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
