I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
