The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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