I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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