wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
