she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
