i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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