so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need water and some morals
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
