He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
