We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
