This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
