We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
