Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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