She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
