hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
