Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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