I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
