I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
