My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
