she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
