They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
