I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
