The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
