a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
