I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
