I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
