Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
