i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
