You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
