$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
