forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
