I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
