Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was confusing and full of hummus
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
