GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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