Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
