Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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