i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
