just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
