it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
