I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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