You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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