Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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