i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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