i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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