I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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