this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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