I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Still dying that you shit outside
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
