Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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