i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
