it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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