Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your penis caused this!
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