Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
